


Comparative Sabotage Techniques

by SlowMercury



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen, Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Dimension Travel, Gen, Gen Work, Humor, Mission Fic, Sabotage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowMercury/pseuds/SlowMercury
Summary: ANBU Team Red and ANBU Wolf are unleashed on Kumo after the Third Shinobi War.
Relationships: ANBU Bat & ANBU Hawk & Towa & Komachi, ANBU Team Red & ANBU Wolf
Comments: 87
Kudos: 817
Collections: Exchange no Jutsu 2020, Heliocentrism — a Dreaming of Sunshine recursive collection, SQ74's Naruto Favs, Violeta's Good Ones





	Comparative Sabotage Techniques

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KonMichie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KonMichie/gifts).



ANBU Team Red knelt at the feet of the Third Hokage, maintaining the professional silence and stillness of a perfectly ordinary ANBU team who would never, ever end up owing a favor to a Boss owl summons and then subsequently watch that favor get traded, swapped and sold up a long chain of summons and spirit animals, ultimately ending up in the hands of a monkey summons in another dimension. Towa was faking innocence particularly hard, Komachi noted, which was reasonable since the whole thing was his fault. 

…It was possible the rest of Team Red wasn’t faking, Komachi realized suddenly, with dawning but still professionally hidden horror. Rumor said Hawk’d had a pretty wild mission history even before he got Team Red, and Bat was a rookie who wouldn’t know any better. Maybe they _did_ think this was normal for ANBU.

“You’re telling me,” the Third said slowly to Enma, the monkey summons in question, “that you traded tickets to a three night vacation at a spirit bathhouse with all expenses paid to a kappa in exchange for an ANBU sabotage squad from an alternate dimension.”

“Yes, Hiruzen, but you can’t keep them,” Enma replied patiently. “They do have to go home eventually so you can only have them for one mission. You’ve been complaining about Kumo ever since the ceasefire. If Kumo was facing a little more difficulty on the home front, they might be more amendable to signing a lasting peace agreement.” 

This was maybe the fourth time they’d had a variation of this conversation. Since the hokage’s Killing Intent subsided a little further with each repetition, Komachi wasn’t exactly complaining, but she had to admit she was disappointed in the Third. It felt a little disloyal, but Komachi was willing to bet that if the slugs gave Tsunade a surprise ANBU team, _she_ wouldn’t have needed it explained four times. She might use it as an excuse to hit the sake bottle later, but to be fair Tsunade would use anything as an excuse to hit the bottle.

Eventually, after two more go-arounds, the Third stopped wasting time and admitted that Enma had a good idea. He gave Team Red all of Konoha’s current intelligence on Kumo and then assigned them a guide.

That guide turned out to be Wolf. 

Wolf was nothing like the laid back, lethal ANBU legend Komachi was familiar with. For one thing, this Wolf was _young_. He might not even be older than Hawk and Bat, who were actual infants. For another thing, unlike Team Red, Wolf wasn’t putting much effort into maintaining his emotionless ANBU facade. It wasn’t quite to the point of leaking Intent, killing or otherwise, but Wolf was emitting a definite aura of fury and suspicion with just enough professionalism layered on top to offer plausible deniability. Komachi was honestly a little uncomfortable kneeling next to the guy.

Wolf listened to the mission briefing without asking any questions, even when they got to the part about Team Red being from the future in another dimension. The only time Wolf even twitched was when he was told that he would be Team Red’s guide and his own team would be disbanded for the duration of their mission.

 _We are going to Kumo,_ Komachi thought, _and I have always despised Kumo with the special loathing of someone who hates climbing mountains. We are in the past of an unfamiliar dimension, because Towa can be a real clumsy idiot, and we are going to Kumo, only it’s not the Kumo we know, it’s a Kumo where things will probably be just different enough from what we expect to trip us up. We are probably going to have to climb a lot of mountains. And we’re going to have to do it all with a tinier, angrier version of Hawk and Bat’s teacher._

_This,_ Komachi thought gleefully, _is going to be one of the best missions of my life._

At first Wolf thought they were ROOT. He didn’t recognize any of the ANBU kneeling in bland, perfect silence in the hokage’s office but he did know that the bat mask’s current owner was a middle aged man. There were always more cat and bird masks than anyone knew what to do with so that wasn’t evidence either way, but the hawk mask was a distinct enough bird that Wolf recognized that its most recent holder had been retired due to injury. The mask _could_ have returned to circulation already, but that would be a very quick turnaround; usually ANBU liked to allow a little more time to pass before reissuing faces. Furthermore, the hokage’s explanation for their presence was… odd. At the very least, it was odd.

All this added up to Wolf thinking that the Third had assigned him yet another ROOT team. Danzo hadn’t gotten his eye before and Wolf was still alive, but maybe it seemed like a good time to try again. There was a ceasefire on, and Danzo might have decided to use it as an opportunity to tie up loose ends.

The hokage dismissed them, and they departed. 

Wolf’s suspicions about ANBU Team Red’s ROOT allegiances didn’t even last thirty seconds after they left the office.

“Wolf-senpai!” cheered the fake Bat, as soon as they were far enough away from the tower that no one would hear them. “We get to go on a mission with Wolf-senpai!” 

That was not the form of address that Wolf was expecting.

“I’m Bat,” she continued. “That’s Hawk-taicho, Towa and Komachi. Welcome to ANBU Team Red!” It was of course impossible to see fake Bat’s face, but Wolf had the distinct impression she was beaming.

She was weird. The whole _team_ was weird, even aside from Bat’s un-ANBU-like friendliness, the subtle wrongness of their masks, their captain’s suspiciously young age, and the Third’s half-baked briefing. 

They moved with the grace of a unit which had trained, fought and bled together. Their experience and trust in each other showed in how quickly they fell into a formation that covered each other’s blind spots and backs. That, in and of itself, wasn’t strange — all of the best ANBU teams including Wolf’s own Team Ro had that sort of easy familiarity. What _was_ strange was how smoothly they folded Wolf into their ranks, when none of them had ever met him before and he should have been a complete unknown to them. 

They were nothing like ROOT. ROOT agents didn’t trust themselves, let alone their teammates, and even witnessing other people's emotional displays left most ROOT agent behaving either mechanically or brittle — Bat’s open cheerfulness would bother a normal ROOT agent but her team seemed entirely unfazed. So Team Red wasn’t ROOT. Wolf just didn’t know what they _were_ , yet.

Bat was a sensor of extraordinary capability, and Team Red was able to converse aloud more often than Wolf was used to in ANBU. They used that freedom to discuss targets and strategies while en route to Kumo.

“We should destroy some of the taller mountains,” Komachi said with worrying intensity.

“Why?” Towa asked after a moment.

“Land of Lightning is known for the highest mountains in the world,” Komachi explained. “It would be bad for morale if they were to suddenly lose that reputation.”

“Kumo doesn’t have a history of seismic activity,” Bat said, “and we shouldn’t do anything that’s too obviously enemy ninja at work. The goal is for Kumo to be weakened enough to agree to sign the treaty, not for Kumo to be so infuriated they reopen hostilities.” Her voice became more thoughtful. “But I guess if we could get—”

“Vetoed,” Hawk said.

“Taichooo…” Komachi whined.

“You can have dibs on the first few bridges, Komachi,” Hawk promised. “You can take them out via landslide.”

“Fine,” Komachi said sulkily. Towa gave her shoulder a commiserating pat.

“In terms of economic sabotage,” Bat said, “I think we should focus on Lightning’s capital city, Minamiaso. It’s the center for business in Lightning, its chief export is wine, and it’s the Lightning daimyo’s home town. The key person here is Tachibana Reo, the daimyo’s chief advisor. Reading between the lines of the briefing the Third gave us, Tachibana’s basically like 80% of the daimyo’s impulse control. If he's out of the way, the daimyo will start making poor decisions.”

“What kind of poor decisions?” Towa asked. 

“Trade. The daimyo’s got a history of getting swindled in business deals.”

“Noted,” Hawk said. “We’ll look more into Tachibana when we reach Minamiaso, but it sounds like he should be our first target.”

Two days and three major bridges taken out by unseasonable landslides later, Team Red reached Lightning’s capital city. 

Wolf had never seen anything like Team Red’s approach to sabotage. 

“Tachibana Reo is the son of the previous daimyo’s chief advisor, Tachibana Akira,” Towa reported. “He’s 31, single, slight weakness in the lungs from a near drowning in his childhood. Parents deceased, brother living in Snow Country, no children or other family. Hobbies include going to the theater and making kites.”

“He’s also madly in love with one of the accountants at the Vintners Guild but too shy to do anything about it,” Komachi said. “Which is too bad for him, because the accountant is also too shy to make a move.”

“Interesting,” said Bat in a tone Wolf couldn’t quite parse. “Tell us about this accountant.”

“Suzuki Yuta,” Towa said. “Works for the Vintners Guild managing accounts receivable for their three largest merchant clients. 28, Sagittarius, lives with his elderly parents. Father has severe arthritis which prevents him from getting out of bed three days out of seven, mother broke a hip and needs a wheelchair. Suzuki likes playing the shamisen and reading adventure novels.” 

Komachi used the ANBU hand sign that doubled as slang for smiling. “Suzuki could probably use a little more adventure in his life.”

Wolf nodded along with Towa and Bat, albeit reluctantly. Taking a hostage seemed unnecessarily complicated for what should be a simple assassination, but Team Red was a sabotage squad and not a direct combat unit. Maybe they needed the extra help. Wolf’s personal distaste for cruelty and avoidable civilian deaths was irrelevant — Wolf wasn’t captain of this team, and even if he were Kumo was still the enemy, at least until the treaty got signed.

“So you’re saying we should deal with Tachibana by hooking him up with his crush?” Hawk summarized.

 _Okay,_ Wolf thought. _This is not at all what I thought we were planning._

“Trust me, taicho,” Towa said. “This is perfect. Tachibana will be good and distracted for at least four months before he calms down enough to concentrate on his job again and the treaty meeting is scheduled in a month and a half from now.”

“Plus,” Komachi added, “they’ll make an adorable couple.”

So they set out to facilitate romance for the Lightning Daimyo’s trusted right hand. They put on henges and planted rumors in the exact right places to be overheard by their subjects — or victims, Wolf was honestly uncertain of the correct terminology here — and then once Tachibana heard all about Suzuki’s beloved parents’ poor health, Bat wandered by posing as a traveling medicine-woman with an effective but high cost ointment for joint pains. Tachibana tried to give the salve to Suzuki anonymously, but it was easy enough for Hawk to create a disturbance at just the right moment for Suzuki to catch sight of Tachibana’s retreating back.

Next, Towa gave a masterful performance at the Vintners Guild as a sleazy merchant trying to purchase expensive wine in order to seduce the daimyo’s chief advisor and obtain key contract concessions; it was a difficult balance between slimy and charming enough to be a threat, but Towa nailed it. By the time Tachibana and Suzuki, blushing and holding hands, managed to escape from the wine cellar that Komachi and Wolf trapped them in, it was obvious that the plan had succeeded.

And the really amazing thing was: Team Red’s plan not only succeeded, it _worked._

Tachibana asked for leave from his office for a few weeks in order to help out with his new boyfriend’s family and the daimyo granted it. On the very first day after Tachibana left, the daimyo bankrolled two high risk investments and narrowly avoided buying into a pyramid scheme. The Lightning Daimyo’s treasury was going to be in _shambles_ by the time Tachibana returned.

“Our work here is done,” Towa proclaimed with great satisfaction.

“So now what?” Wolf asked. Wolf had given up on guessing what Team Red would do next less than halfway through Operation: Love Snare, a name Wolf strongly suspected most of Team Red insisted on solely because it drove Hawk crazy. 

“Oh, oh, I know, I know!” Bat exclaimed. “I found some paperwork in one of Suzuki’s minion’s offices that implies that one of the journeymen at the Association of Coopers and Wheelwrights is knowingly selling the Vintners Guild the wrong size barrels for full price. I think we can start a guild war!”

“Nothing disrupts trade quite like being unable to ship your principal export because you’ve got no barrels or wheels,” Hawk said thoughtfully. “I like it.”

So Team Red and ANBU Wolf went off to stir up trouble between two of the most powerful guilds in Lightning. 

They started by misfiling the incriminating paperwork where it was sure to be noticed. Then, the night before the two guilds planned to meet and make a settlement, Hawk gave a giant bag of candy laced with extra sugar and caffeine to the children of the Association’s president, thereby ensuring that the man entered negotiations on an already frayed temper and little sleep. Komachi switched out all the weights on the Vintners Guild’s scales for lighter counterfeits just before the Vintners assessed the fraudulent barrels, and then she made _sure_ the Association noticed the weights were off. The Association accused the Vintners Guild of taking advantage of the Association’s good faith effort to make amends, the Vintners proclaimed their innocence, and the whole thing escalated to fist fighting by the end of the day while Team Red laughed silently in the rafters. 

The following day, Wolf assisted Bat in pasting tiny seals to induce rot on the sides of barrels full of grease belonging to the Vintners Guild. Bat timed it carefully. She activated the seals just as they were transported by cart through Minamiaso’s central marketplace. The grease spilled out of the wagon and onto the streets, creating an instant slip and fall hazard which also smelled terrible and stuck to the clothing of whoever fell in it. 

“That’s the end of any productivity in this marketplace for the _week,_ ” Towa said happily, before high-fiving Bat and Komachi and following up with a fist-bump with Hawk and Wolf.

As Wolf watched the citizens of Lightning slide along the street, prat falling, windmilling their arms and cursing wildly, he felt a warm glow in his chest. For a moment he though it was heartburn, before Wolf abruptly realized that no, he was… he was… _having fun._ Wolf was _enjoying himself_ for the first time since Minato-sensei and Kushina died. 

Maybe, after Team Red went home, Wolf would ask Team Ro how they felt about taking more sabotage missions. 

**Author's Note:**

> Or, Kakashi discovers a new, life-long love for trolling. 
> 
> KonMichie, I hope that you enjoyed this, and that it fits your expectations. Be well!


End file.
